Sunday, September 09, 2007

How true it is !

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing !
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing !
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing !
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing !
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing !
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing !
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing !
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing !
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing !
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing !
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing !

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine
lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort
of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing
that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I
once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had
hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates
what I am capable of. However they merely made condescending comments about
what a 'good little hunter' I am. Imbeciles!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in
solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the
noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power
of 'allergies'. I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors
by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow --
but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog
receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more
than willing to return. He is obviously insane. The bird has got to be an
informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain
that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for
him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL! :)

4:15 PM CDT  
Blogger X. Dell said...

You see, that's why I'm a dog person. Cats remind me of ex-girlfriends, who could have easily penned the second diary.

Darn those catty ex-girlfriends! One got on my nerves so badly, I had to see a shrink, just because she treated me like a dog.

The psychiatrist told me, "Okay, well. lie down on the couch and we'll talk about it."

And that's why the psychoanalysis didn't work for me. I wasn't allowed on the couch.

1:55 AM CDT  
Blogger X. Dell said...

With respect to your last post, I've heard of the New York Jets, but this is the first time I've heard of the Oklahoma Jets.

I can understand that they're rare. But are they any more rare than, say, hurricanes in OK City?

2:00 AM CDT  
Blogger Betty S said...

LOL Dell. I think you were picking the wrong kind of girlfriends.

2:35 PM CDT  
Blogger Betty S said...

Off to a plotting retreat with my CPs. Plan to post again when we return on Sunday. Donnell is bringing liquid inspiration and hopefully my swimsuit which I left at her house the last time I was there. Life is good. I love getting out of the city. If the haze of clouds clears off, the sky should be totally awesome tonight.

2:53 PM CDT  
Blogger Loganator's Mom said...

I love this! Are you sure you don't have my old cat.

11:40 AM CDT  

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