Monday, December 18, 2006

Gourmet's Christmas Dinner

Whole Roasted Reindeer
With Christmas Elf Stuffing

This recipe has been around for many years in many fashions
but in recent years for some reason has fallen out of favor.
Here we shall return to a true classic dish of alternative
fine dining.

The list of ingredients is as follows:

1. 1 reindeer, appx. 125-175 lbs., skinned, dressed (though
not in a tux; ha, ha) and head mounted if you so desire.

2. 6-9 Christmas elves cleaned and finely diced, appx. 8 lbs.
useable weight.

3. 8 lbs. celery, finely chopped.

4. 8 lbs. onions, finely chopped.

5. 8 lbs. carrots, finely diced.

6. 1 gallon vodka to numb the elves before you peel them
and dice them.

7. 32 lbs. dry bread crumbs.

8. 3 gallons chicken stock.

9. Salt, pepper, to taste.

10. Fresh garlic, 1-6 lbs. as you desire.

11. 3-4 gallons of olive oil for basting the roasting

A. Saute the onions, carrots, and celery in a large pan,
using some olive oil, until tender.

B. Brown the diced elves in the same pan until lightly

C. Mix the vegetables, elves, bread crumbs, and the chicken
stock, season to taste with pepper, salt and garlic to

D. Stuff the dressing in the reindeer, then sew the deer

As for roasting the whole reindeer; it is usually difficult
to find to an oven large enough to do the job. So you will
have to be creative.

My personal favorite is to prop the reindeer up on a neighbor
kids wagon. Then roll the whole shebang into the local grouches
garage and set fire to the garage. If you can keep the local
fire department at bay for 3-4 hours the reindeer will be
perfectly done.

This recipe will serve 175-225 hearty alternatively inclined

P.S. Never hunt elves in the same area each year. They have
long memories for such little beasties and they won't fall
for the vodka trick twice in two years.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I'll stick with turkey and mashed potatoes ;)

11:06 PM CST  
Blogger X. Dell said...

I can understaned needing eight pounds of onions to mask the gameyness of the reindeer, but I don't see anything there that would mask the gameyness of the elves. Vodka might help some, but the elves would have matabolized almost 90% of anything you gave them.

I really think I can improve upon this recipe. What you need are girl elves, because they're made from sugar and spice and everything nice.

11:30 PM CST  
Blogger Jill Monroe said...

Does the stuffing turn out green? I don't like eating green food.

1:00 PM CST  

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